The Most Loving Thing

I often hear a certain line of reasoning from my more conservative Christian friends that goes like this:

I'm not homophobic for opposing gay marriage or for believing that homosexuality is a sin. In fact, I'm actually loving. Because the most loving thing you can do is tell the truth. And I'm telling gay and lesbian people the truth that they are sinning.

This is the argument used by guys from the Westboro Baptist Church in this fascinating interview with Russell Brand. And it's the argument that's been used by one of my commenters on this blog post.

This argument is built on one presupposition: the most loving thing I can do is tell the truth. If that statement is accurate, maybe my more conservative friends have a point. But if it is not accurate, then they've got some serious re-evaluating to do.


Since my conservative Christian friend accept the Bible as their authority for faith and practice, let's go to the Bible and see what it says. Does the Bible say that telling the truth is the most loving thing we can do? Did Jesus teach us that the greatest love is truth telling?

Nope.

Jesus was pretty straightforward about it when he said, "Greater love has no than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

The greatest love is not truth telling. The greatest love is personal sacrifice.

So, if my conservative Christian friends want to love gay and lesbian people, as they claim they do, they will do what Jesus says. Let's unpack his statement a little more.


Jesus says that the greatest love is to lay down your life for your friends.

This begs the question, do you have any gay or lesbian friends? For a long time, I didn't. And when I didn't, I just lumped LGBT into a group and assumed that I understood what they thought and believed. This approach underscored the us-vs-them mentality that makes true love very difficult. And then I started to get to know people as people, listening to their stories, and developing friendships. And that has made a huge difference. I've written about this here.


Jesus says that the greatest love is to lay down your life for your friends.

Jesus himself is the example of this kind of love. Not long after he said these words, he was arrested on trumped up charges, railroaded through the legal system, and executed. As you read the accounts of his death, you get a sense that Jesus was willingly going there, that he knew something greater was going to come as a result of his death. You get the sense that it is an act of love.

Laying down your life sometimes means making the ultimate sacrifice. But loving sacrifice does not exclusively mean death. To lay down is to relinquish, to surrender, to willingly put aside. This reminds me, again, of Jesus, who, in the words of apostle Paul, "did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing." He gave up what was rightfully his. He set it aside. He opened his hand and let go of what he had once held. He relinquished what he had for a greater purpose. Namely, love.

So, if you love as you claim, what are you willing to relinquish for your gay friends?

Are you willing to relinquish your own comfort?
Are you willing to relinquish your own sense of what culture should be like in America?
Are you willing to relinquish your notion of a "Christian nation"?
Are you willing to relinquish your perceived right to say what you want?
Are you willing to relinquish your slogans and your signs?
Are you willing to relinquish your definition of marriage?
Are you willing to relinquish your pew and make room for new friends at your church?
Are you willing to relinquish your political agenda?


So many followers of Jesus are tight-fisted about the things they perceive as their rights. But, it seems to me, that the posture of Jesus, the posture of love, is not a fist but an open hand. It is not hate but love - actual self-sacrificing love.

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