For the last couple of years, at Vintage Fellowship, we have observed Holy Week. We have sought to insert ourselves into the story so that when Easter finally arrives, we have something to celebrate. Beginning on Thursday, we gather together each evening in simplicity and quiet. The story itself is central. It has become one of my favorite weeks in the calendar.
Good Friday - We go to the cross. We try to really observe it. We listen closely to the story. We hear the nails being pounded. We feel the blood spatter. We exhale as Jesus breathes his last. We go in silence.
Holy Saturday - We sit shiva. We sit and say very little.
Tonight as we were sitting shiva for Jesus I realized something. Most of my life is Holy Saturdays.
I have a few days that are like Maundy Thursday, when I truly humble myself and serve others. But not too many. I have a few days like Good Friday, when I sacrifice and suffer and deeply feel the loss. But not too many. I have a few days like Easter, when I am raptured in joy and victory. But not too many.
Mostly, I just have the numbness of God being buried and dead. Most of my days are Holy Saturdays.
I don't know quite what to make of this observation about my life. I imagine I will begin to unpack it in the coming days. Maybe by the time Holy Saturday rolls around next year, I'll have more insight. Tonight, I'm content to just admit that I miss God.